Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
A Story of Hope
Once upon a time, Hope was a vibrant, idealistic young woman who woke every morning eager to see what the day had to offer. And every night, she prayed for those she loved, for guidance, and, like many, for the ability to recognize that special someone meant just for her.
One day – there he was, standing right in front of her. Charming, charismatic, and compelling, he painted life in such a way that she felt deeply, instinctively – she had found the man of her “happily ever after.”
They shared the same religious beliefs and love of God; he prayed over her and gained the respect of the church leadership.
Extravagantly romantic, he planned fairytale dates and adventures full of all the things she loved. His remarkable attention to every detail he learned about her overwhelmed her. He made her feel as though he truly “saw” her – “knew” her. Never before had anyone in her life shown up for her and helped her as he did.
They had long, intimate talks about their dreams and visions. They shared the same desires: a home, family, and a life dedicated to serving God.
Hope fell in love with this man and married him.
But they did not live happily ever after.
Shortly after the honeymoon, things at work started to fall apart for this man. His business partners were not trustworthy, and he told Hope that he felt they weren’t safe living in the big city. Filled with compassion and concern, Hope suggested moving to where he would feel comfortable.
Though Hope never wanted to move away from her family, she felt committed to whatever she needed to do to please her prince charming. So, they moved to a small town.
Completely isolated from friends and family, Hope watched the unraveling begin.
Hope began to feel as though she alone was never enough. Life was full of people she did not know but seemed to bring more fulfillment to her prince than she did. She blamed herself: if only she could work or try harder, then she could restore their connection – could rekindle the sparks they felt when they first met.
Before her eyes, the prince transformed into a beast.
Conflict ensued. As they increased and escalated, so did her fear of her erstwhile champion. The verbal abuse began – “You’re being too sensitive.” “You’re completely overreacting.” “You’re blaming me for things that happened in your past.” “You can’t see what’s really going on because your perspective is skewed.”
It was all part of a twisted cycle. Disagreement. Distortion. Abuse. And then charm. And gifts. He brought home all her favorite things to ingratiate himself to her. There was no discussion – no “talking it out.”
Though Hope tried, she soon learned her efforts would be met with silence or random fits of rage.
Eventually, Hope accepted that she was the broken one – and in a way, now, that was true. She resigned herself to the idea that everything was her fault – that if only she worked harder to figure out connection with him, he would return to that person who had won her heart.
A Vision of Faith
Faith had grown up in a perfect home – or so she’d been led to believe. Her friends had always seen her family as all anyone could ever want. She always had name brand clothes, she was a top swimmer, she had private lessons, and was on the competitive team.
However perfect her life appeared on the outside, behind closed doors, she saw – and felt – the complete opposite.
She had to hold everything together – that was her job. Whenever her mother was upset, the unspoken expectation was for her to make things better. She felt like she could never do enough, be enough and live up to the weight of perfection on her shoulders.
In fact, if anyone were upset in the family, she felt responsible to own it, change it, and fix it. When she tried to talk about how she felt, if it were sad, frustrated, defeated, it was met with questioning that made her feel so much shame. “Why would you feel that?” “How could you say that?”
The unspoken rule in the family: “There are no problems, and nothing is wrong.”
Faith quickly saw it was easier not to share than to be overwhelmed with feeling like there was something wrong with her because of what she was feeling. She knew that she must uphold the look of “perfection” on the outside, because that was the expectation and requirement to be in her family.
A Journey of Joy
A determined person, Joy brought life and happiness wherever she went. Excellent at solving problems and helping others, she always drew people to her because it always seemed like she had life figured out.
Joy began a relationship with a man who was struggling. To her, he was attractive – because she knew she could help him. She gave him everything and wanted him to have the same drive for life that she felt, but she couldn’t.
Over time, Joy’s exuberance turned to depression and anxiety. She always felt overwhelmed because the man she was with did not want to live – and she believed it was her fault.
Their relationship came to a crossroads: he threatened to take his life if she left him, and her compassion and love for him made her stay.
Trapped and exhausted, she was responsible for everything: she worked, paid all the bills, took care of the home, took care of him. On top of that crushing weight, he had begun to hit her when she “made him angry.” Joy couldn’t tell anyone because she knew nobody would understand why she just couldn’t leave him.
And so, unable to change her course, Joy suffered in silence.
Do their stories sound familiar? Do they resonate with you?
Curiosity made you click on this tab, but under that is a deep feeling in your gut that something is not right in your relationship.
You are a people pleaser – you hate conflict and will do anything you can think of to keep the peace and bring happiness to those around you – even at the expense of your own.
But that’s not ok.
It’s not ok to be afraid to be yourself, express your needs/wants in your relationship. Healthy, loving relationships do not rest on the underlying threat of ending if you stand up for yourself or choose not to please the other person.
Healthy, loving relationships have room for two – for the needs of two people – they can weather those storms.
Embrace your story – create the life you desire.
Reach out to empower yourself – today.
Let’s go on a journey of recovery together.
As we work together, you’ll have a safe space to find yourself – your voice – your power again. That’s what recovery is all about.
Your opinion matters. Your feelings are valid. YOU matter.
Call or text (970) 590-1477 to schedule your initial appointment.